I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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