omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
