She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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