sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
