I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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