My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
