I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's the barista slut.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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