I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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