I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
