so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
