the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
someone owes me an orgasm
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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