Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
