the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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