porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I could make wine with my vomit
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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