There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
