I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
