Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
as a side note pls kill me
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