i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
