I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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