so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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