I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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