I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
