those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
