Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
