Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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