CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
