i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
