i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
