whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
