I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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