Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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