you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
