Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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