I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
