It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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