the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
