my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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