Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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