I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
