True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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