I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.