he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.