u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you