If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?