I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
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you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
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It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake