Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
