We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
