Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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