Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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