I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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