everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
