can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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