the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
