im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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