Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am available for nakedness
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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