I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
