Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
