i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
