the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
