I want to have your abortion
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
