There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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