at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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