I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
