Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
