My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
