Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
