she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
