I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
