its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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