I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
