i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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