I feel great
I just peed on a car
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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