yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
