Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
