what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
