He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
