I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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