the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
