the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Randomize
