So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
