Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
