Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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