I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
