wake up i wanna do it froggy style
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
