We won't sleep together?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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