i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
