She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
