Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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