the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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