i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
